The Day I Defied Death, Twice

This day may as well be my new birthday. It was on this date in two different years of my life that I defied death.

July 24, 2002. I would classify this as a Near-Death Experience. Long story short, I was with my ex-boyfriend at the time. He choked me in an argument, and I lost consciousness. I did not see light or anything like that, not that I remember. But what I do remember is blackness, with my Self-talk saying I have to get back to my best friend. “I gotta get back to Tani,” just over and over until it did lighten up as I fully regained consciousness. I was re-born that day, as I realized I do have true purpose in this world. That I am important to my best friend and he needed me back by his side.

July 24, 2016. Completely different experience. Completely different life. But anxiety likely related to that past relationship had grown and taken its toll. I lost my way, and kind of drifted along. Tani is still very much my best friend, but he has grown into himself now. I also have importance to my niece, but she is far away too, as Tani is. I was lost in the bottle. Binge drinking for 6+ years.

This day was the last day of my last mega-binge. I drank a lot over the last 2-3 days. I did work my bartending shifts, but my self-care lacked. I didn’t eat much, and I didn’t stop for water breaks during my busy shifts. So I basically was drinking coffee or alcohol. Straight.

As I closed my shift that Saturday night, I took one shot and went home. I was doing laundry that night, but I also had a bottle of apple vodka in the laundry room. I would take a shot, or a second one, as I flipped the loads. Next thing you know, I am passed out on the floor of my dining room bar.

I took a nap and powered up for our traditional Sunday Fundays at our pool. I realized I actually drank about half that bottle in about 3-4 hours the night before. The shot glass was actually more like 2-2.5 shots. But in my mind, “it was only one.”

What felt like a normal hangover eventually proved to be much worse. I went to the ER days later to find all kinds of internal damage. I have had a few drinking episodes since, a total of five, and I now realize that I cannot drink ever again because it aggravates the damage done back then.

I was re-born into someone who (obviously) cannot drink, but can help others find their way, be it via learning their birth chart, finding stones that resonate, making pretty things, Reiki, giving Tarot/Oracle readings…. Or maybe just being awesome. It is Leo Season, after all.

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In the End…. Synchronicity

You may think this is a cheap play on Chester Bennington’s suicide, but let me assure you it is NOT. It is a play on a blog post I wrote over two years ago.

 https://bytheindigomoon.wordpress.com/2015/02/24/synchronicity-in-the-end/

The last time I was in my car before the news of Chester broke, this song came on. I reflected back on what this song means to me. It is the one of two songs that have ever made me cry straight away, based on substance as opposed to memory. (I’m pretty sentimental.)

I was in Dallas, Texas with my ex, up to no good. We got in a fight, a pretty bad one. At one point he was standing over me with a commercial-sized fire extinguisher, flinching me. Threatening to smash my face. I pushed his buttons, but our friend intervened and separated us. I was in the bedroom listening to the radio and this new Linkin Park song came on, In the End. I was frozen. It was like I could predict the next words because it resonated so strong.

I write about this, because symbolism is everything for me. Some would say I am ridiculous for the extent, but I am not trying to fit in a mold anymore. Time to shine. Shine my light for others, even if it means a dark topic about my ex. I was conflicted for so long, but now it is clear.

The symbolism here is that today of all days is when Chester chose to go. To him and others it is Chris Cornell’s birthday. While I loved Chris too, today is something even more significant for me. It is the 15th anniversary of the day that I chose to work one last shift at my beloved job with my bestie, then head out into uncharted waters. I drove to Mexico, to learn a whole lot of life lessons. In the coming weeks alone I would have transmission issues,  a Near-Death Experience, and ended up homeless on a beach in Cancun because I had no money for a hotel yet.

This symbolism speaks to me that I DO need to write about my ex, and anything else I feel could relate for someone somewhere. Not everyone is going to vibe with what I am doing, but that’s okay.

Feeling Free

I have been studying astrology for over five years now. I was sure to use my time as noted on my certificate and learned as much as I could about that chart. I came to identify so strongly with it…. for the most part. As I wrote yesterday, I have decided to test a theory. What if I were actually born four minutes earlier?

This gives a new chart. Not much changes, but a couple things change in a big way. The more I look into the changes, the stronger I identify with this new chart. This new persona. Being Pisces Rising, maybe I really do have the heart of a mermaid. 

I was living a conflicted life, which got even more conflicting the more I learned astrology. Maybe I knew deep inside I’m not Aries Rising. Since I changed the time in my Astro account and began to identify with this chart, I feel myself opening up and feeling free like never before. Just in time for Leo Season, my favorite. 😉

Four Minutes.

I officially did it… I overrode the time on my birth certificate and changed the time in my Astro account to reflect a time 4 minutes sooner. I did this after a lot of reflecting and soul searching. It is a huge deal, because it changes my angles.

The time on my certificate gives me Aries rising 1°45 and Cap MC 0°53. I resonated to the Aries but not the Capricorn. Aries is the ruler of the decans of my Sun/Saturn in Leo and Moon/Neptune in Sagittarius. Easy to feel an Aries influence. But I associate MC in Capricorn to be someone who has goals and ambitions. I never really have had any. 

The new time gives me Pisces rising 29°56 and Sagittarius MC 29°58. I easily resonate to the Sag MC because of the fluidity of ambition. You would think it would be easy to know if I were Pisces rising instead. But I have Moon/Neptune in exact conjunction, with Neptune being stationed. So that is a huge Pisces influence, even if I were truly Aries rising. I am both fire dominant and mutable dominant, without even factoring the ASC.

I read what it means to have Pisces rising. It rang so true. Source after source. I went back and re-read Aries rising, which I have identified with for over five years. I realize it may not be so true, after all.

So let this be a lesson to not assume your time if you want full accuracy. Even if your time is noted on your certificate, if something feels off chances are it could very well be. You know yourself best, and when it’s right you will know. I feel this is right.

I am working on verifying this new time via progressions and however else I can. If the time noted on the certificate ends up verifying, I will eat crow and report back. 😂😂