The Day I Defied Death, Twice

This day may as well be my new birthday. It was on this date in two different years of my life that I defied death.

July 24, 2002. I would classify this as a Near-Death Experience. Long story short, I was with my ex-boyfriend at the time. He choked me in an argument, and I lost consciousness. I did not see light or anything like that, not that I remember. But what I do remember is blackness, with my Self-talk saying I have to get back to my best friend. “I gotta get back to Tani,” just over and over until it did lighten up as I fully regained consciousness. I was re-born that day, as I realized I do have true purpose in this world. That I am important to my best friend and he needed me back by his side.

July 24, 2016. Completely different experience. Completely different life. But anxiety likely related to that past relationship had grown and taken its toll. I lost my way, and kind of drifted along. Tani is still very much my best friend, but he has grown into himself now. I also have importance to my niece, but she is far away too, as Tani is. I was lost in the bottle. Binge drinking for 6+ years.

This day was the last day of my last mega-binge. I drank a lot over the last 2-3 days. I did work my bartending shifts, but my self-care lacked. I didn’t eat much, and I didn’t stop for water breaks during my busy shifts. So I basically was drinking coffee or alcohol. Straight.

As I closed my shift that Saturday night, I took one shot and went home. I was doing laundry that night, but I also had a bottle of apple vodka in the laundry room. I would take a shot, or a second one, as I flipped the loads. Next thing you know, I am passed out on the floor of my dining room bar.

I took a nap and powered up for our traditional Sunday Fundays at our pool. I realized I actually drank about half that bottle in about 3-4 hours the night before. The shot glass was actually more like 2-2.5 shots. But in my mind, “it was only one.”

What felt like a normal hangover eventually proved to be much worse. I went to the ER days later to find all kinds of internal damage. I have had a few drinking episodes since, a total of five, and I now realize that I cannot drink ever again because it aggravates the damage done back then.

I was re-born into someone who (obviously) cannot drink, but can help others find their way, be it via learning their birth chart, finding stones that resonate, making pretty things, Reiki, giving Tarot/Oracle readings…. Or maybe just being awesome. It is Leo Season, after all.

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My Saturn Return

I am absolutely stunned right now, that once again astrology has been verified in my life. 

I looked into the Saturn activity in 2007, as my Saturn is 21°39 Leo. Curious what the infamous Saturn Return meant for me. I found there was a Retro period over this placement. First pass was early October 2006. It wasn’t so much of a deal. The Retro pass was February 11, 2007. My beloved Chicago Bears lost the Super Bowl only one week earlier, but otherwise life was okay. I went forward to see which date Saturn Returned for the last time…

June 23, 2007. That was my best friend’s 21st birthday. Long story short, he and I kinda drifted apart for a bit, to the point I wondered where I even stood anymore. That day he was leaving for an adventure to California, so I wanted to clear the air before he left. We quickly and effectively sorted the misunderstanding. THAT DAY. Of my Saturn Return!!! We have had no issues since, and celebrate 15 years together now this year. 💚

High Flying Kite…Why Saturn Retrograde can be a blessing.

I spoke before about following Moon transits in daily life. But all planets matter. They all affect us somehow. Sometimes it is good to step back and look at the whole picture. Your whole chart. Especially when major transits happen, like a Saturn Retrograde.

The outer planets move slow, so their effect is long-term, but often profound. Sometimes planets line up in a stressful aspect to your chart. Other times planets are very supportive. I would say at those times, “Your chart is lit up like Christmas.” I will use some of my personal natal chart right now, mixed with the relevant transits, to illustrate.

I have my (chart ruler) Mars at 24° Gemini. Because he rules my chart, I am especially sensitive to his transits and/or transits to his position. I have my natal Saturn at 21° and Sun 29°, both Leo.

Uranus is transiting my 1st house, at 24° Aries. Trine my Sun and Saturn, and sextile my Mars. He will soon enter his Shadow period, so he will come back to this degree in this year’s Retrograde. He won’t exit the shadow after Retro for another year, so his effects for me will be a while after that. He is totally, slowly, transforming my 1st house themes and will be for a few more years.

Saturn has officially went Retro, but this time I am NOT afraid. I was beat up in his last two Retros. This time is different. This time he blesses me. Because he is trine with transiting Aries, he now supports me lovingly as I make these changes in both my 1st house and the 9th house themes he himself is covering. He is also trine with my Sun currently, and his Retro will take him back to station in trine with my Saturn in August. He will then retrace his steps and won’t come out of Shadow (back to this point) until December. He will be at full steam then, so he will quickly exact the trine to my Sun and move on to Capricorn. All these trines together (Aries/Leo/Sagittarius) compose a Grand Trine. The triangles you see in the illustration.

Transiting Saturn is also in opposition with my Mars. Mars position is about halfway through Saturn’s Retro degrees, so I will feel this throughout. Oppositions can be good or bad. This time I think it is good. My Mars is sextile natally with Saturn and Sun, and is also sextile with transiting Uranus. This makes the kite formation. My Mars is in my 3rd house, so those themes are changing.

I don’t know where these winds will carry me. Uranus can be unpredictable. But I feel I have finally found something to be passionate for, and that Saturn will support whatever comes my way.